PERFECT SON?

Is there such thing as a perfect son? A son who does your bidding when you give a comand? A son who won't give you a hard time? A son who would not make you worry or put you into shameful moments?

None. Other than Jesus, there is no such thing as a perfect son simply because we are all flawed human beings.

Sometimes, I wonder how much pressure do we put on our children. Being a pastor has its hiccups. One of them is having so much expectations on your children. Since people think that they are a pastor's kid, then they should be the embodiment of an angel on earth. Not true. Though they may be pastor's kids, do we forget that they are, first and foremost, children? I think we do.

My son, Rafa, is a pastor's kid. He's seven. He's a ball of energy. He's active. He's bright. He's got a great imagination. Somehow, he kinda reminds of me of myself when I was a kid. These past few days, I'm trying to recall how I was as a kid. I think pretty similar with Rafa. My parent's didn't shield me from the realities of life. Still, they gave me my space and let me be what I am - A KID.

Sometimes, we parents put so much pressure on your children and try to make them behave as adults. We forget that they are children. Shamefully, I am guilty of that.

Being a pastor who has an entire church's eyes on your every movement can be frustrating at times. Living in a fishbowl doesn't help my family life. We are under the scrutiny of public opinion. Yet, early in my ministry, I found out that I could never please the people around me. Plus, I made sure to let people know that I am vunerable just like any ordinary human being. Having the title as a pastor doesn't give me a FREE ACCESS PASS from real world problems.

One of the major fears of pastors is their sons and daughters to grow up with the Pastor's Kid syndrome - a condition when children of pastors become rebellious and turn away from the faith. Frankly, that is my fear. It is real. I have seen it happen. And I have prayed to God that I not be in that situation at all. But, sincerely, when I make my child conform to what the public wants, do I contribute in making the syndrome a reality in my family. Yes. I do.

Please listen. It is not an excuse for children's pastors to behave without discipline. I would not want my son to grow up undisciplined. But am I also robbing him of his youth if I conform him to become an adult at age seven? I think I am making a big mistake.

Sometimes, we forget that our children are children. They are childish because they are children. It is our responsibility to slowly usher them towards adulthood.

So I talked to my son tonight. I told him that I get hurt when he disobeys. I told him that character is better than grades or popularity. I let him know that he is a good boy and that he doesn't have to be perfect. Just do his best to be good. I looked into his eyes. Though I saw a boy, I knew the man inside was listening. He felt my heart. He knew I love him no matter what other people say about him. I assured him that his dad and mom will support him to the end. I wanted to make him feel that he is loved. Other than God, there is no one else who knows my son than my wife and I. So we made a deal to help each other, be open to each other and continue to love each other no matter what. We hugged and said "Good night."

Let us not rob our children the youthfulness that they should experience. They have the rest of their lives to be adults.